The New Church Ladies

Posted: April 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

“You are ALWAYS getting offended. You spend every waking moment—and possibly most of your dream life—offended. Jesus Christ, I remember when the young’uns were the LAST to get offended, but now you’re the most easily offended people on the fucking planet. Get a grip, you little totalitarians, or the backlash is going to give you diaper rash” – lol. awesome!

Thought Catalog

freya-photographer / Shutterstock.comfreya-photographer /

Saturday Night LiveSaturday Night Live

Social-justice warriors, assemble! I’m about to deliver a sermon.

Back in the 1980s—in that Pre-Cambrian era before many of you were even swimming in your dad’s scrotum—Dana Carvey on Saturday Night Live did a recurring character called “The Church Lady.” It was a spot-on parody of a tight-assed, hyper-moralistic Christian woman who was constantly lecturing and demeaning others for their sins.

Now, I don’t like Christians any more than you do. But that doesn’t mean I’m on your team. As neither a Christian nor a progressive nor a millennial, I have something that most of you lack—perspective. You and the Christians are both wrong about everything, and yet you both feel compelled to constantly prove how wrong you are in public.

Although many of you openly mock Christianity and feel you embody its polar opposite, you are incorrect. You are the…

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